Defector Read online

  Those hadn’t been normal sleeping pills. They were supposed to knock me out. Major still hadn’t moved away. What if he was going to check on me in a few minutes? I crawled toward the bed, extinguished the lights, covered my body with the blanket, and pretended to be asleep. I was scared of closing my eyes, scared that I wouldn’t be able to open them again, that I’d drift off to sleep immediately. After a few seconds I wasn’t even sure where the mattress ended and my body started. My legs felt numb. And my mind wanted to shut off.

  I dug my nails into the soft skin of my inner thigh, and the pain banished some of the mist from my head. I heard the door open and lay very still as steps came up to the bed. Suddenly Major gripped my wrist. Without the pills already turning my body into mush, I would have flinched. What was he doing? He turned my arm so my palm was facing upward, and then he pressed something hard and cold against the skin below the crook of my elbow. There was a click, and something sharp pierced my skin, sending a stabbing pain through my arm. What had he done?

  He released my arm, and after a moment his steps retreated and I was alone again. This time Major didn’t wait in front of my room. He left.

  Relief surged through me, but then came the realization that my body was too heavy to move and I still didn’t know what he’d done to my arm. I rolled over, closer to the edge of the bed. With my arms—which were getting heavier by the second—I heaved myself out of bed. My face pressed against the floor. I was so tired. My eyes were just slits. The world was nothing but cotton and mist. Cotton and mist.

  With my elbows, I slithered toward the door. I glanced up at the door handle. It was so high up. With a groan, I raised myself up on my arms and gripped the handle. My fingers slipped off, and I smashed back to the ground. But the door was ajar. I pried it open and peered into the corridor. It was dark and abandoned. Major must have gone to his room on the floor below.

  There was only one person who could tell me everything and help me find Abel’s Army and Holly. My mother. And there was only one person who could help me find her. I crawled across the hall, raised my fist a few inches above the ground, and hammered against the door. What if he didn’t hear it?

  I felt myself drifting away when the door opened. I peeked up at Devon’s surprised face, surrounded by a halo of murkiness, then my head dropped and my world turned black.

  CHAPTER 14

  Slowly, I came to my senses and my vision returned. A soothing voice trickled through the darkness. I tried to cling to it, to let it pull me out of unconsciousness.

  “Tessa, what happened?”

  I blinked against the blurriness. The shape of a face hovered in front of me. After a few seconds, it became clear. Devon looked down at me with a deep frown. My head rested on his lap, and he was stroking my hair.

  Where were we? I tried to sit up, but stars erupted in my vision. Devon touched my temples, and suddenly the heaviness was gone from my limbs and the dizziness disappeared from my head. But I didn’t try to sit up again. I quickly took inventory of the situation; I was in Devon’s room, sprawled out on the floor, and his door was closed.

  “Did anyone see us? You didn’t call Major, did you?” I croaked.

  “No,” Devon said gently. “I didn’t know what was wrong with you. And to be honest, I’m not sure if I trust him.”

  That made me smile. At least I wasn’t the only one. With Alec it had always been obvious that he was on Major’s side, that the FEA was the thing that mattered most to him. “You shouldn’t.”

  Devon’s blond brows drew together. “I shouldn’t what?”

  The smile crumbled. “Trust him.” I wished I had come to that realization months ago. It would have spared me a lot of heartache.

  “Why did you take sleeping pills and then crawl across the hall?” Devon asked softly.

  “I didn’t take them,” I explained, and a new wave of anger washed over me. “Major made me.”

  Devon’s eyes narrowed. “Why did he do that?”

  “Because he wants to stop me from running away.” I was shocked to hear the words out loud. I never thought I’d even consider leaving the FEA. What was left in my life without the FEA? Holly, I reminded myself. She needed my help. I couldn’t rely on Major to save her. She wasn’t important enough to him. Holly would understand if I told her my reasons for leaving headquarters. Maybe we could build a new life somewhere. “You want to run? I thought you liked being with the FEA?” Devon’s words brought me back to the present.

  I closed my eyes when I reminded myself of the full extent of the FEA’s and Alec’s betrayal. Slowly I sat up, fighting a sickness that had nothing to do with the sleeping pills. “Thanks for waking me,” I said. I realized we’d talked more in the last few minutes than we had in the weeks he’d been living at headquarters. He was still watching me intently, waiting for a reply. I’d once loved living with the FEA, but that didn’t matter anymore. My eyes darted to the nightstand with Devon’s family photo. I realized I couldn’t have chosen a better person to confide in. “No,” I said slowly. “I have to run away. Tonight. And I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.” He had no reason to help me. Not after the way I’d deceived him during my last mission, but he was my only hope. There was no one else I could ask. I tried to convince myself that I was doing this for him, that I wanted to protect him from Major’s game, but that was only part of it. Deep down I knew my selfish motives were stronger. I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to go through this alone.

  “What happened?”

  I didn’t want to tell him, but then the words started tumbling out and I told him everything I’d found out today. I ached when I was done. I crossed my arms over my chest, shivering. Devon wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I couldn’t believe that we’d finally managed to leave the awkwardness behind. “I thought the FEA were the good guys,” Devon said distractedly. I could see that he was mulling over something.

  “Sometimes even the good guys cross a line,” I said eventually. But I wasn’t even sure if the FEA were the good guys. Did good guys actually exist? Maybe the FEA and Abel’s Army were just two sides of the same coin. Different shades of bad.

  “So,” Devon began, his voice tight. “Wasn’t Abel’s Army responsible for the killing in Livingston and for Holly’s abduction?” He grimaced when the name of his hometown crossed his lips. It probably brought too many bad memories back.

  “That’s what Major said,” I clarified. I realized I sounded defensive. I was trying to defend Abel—my father. Where had that notion come from?

  “You’re right. We don’t know if Major told the truth,” Devon said. He started to rub my arm absentmindedly, and somehow it managed to relax me. He seemed so calm. “And after what you just told me, we should definitely leave immediately. I don’t need anyone messing with me. I’m messed up enough.”

  I let out a laugh. “Me too.” The way he looked at me stirred something. In a strange, twisted way, it reminded me of Alec.

  Sadness wound its way through my body. I looked away and played with the hem of my pajama shirt. Devon’s hand on my arm stilled, and he stared at it, as if he had only just realized what he was doing. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to stop or not.

  “So,” Devon said, casually dropping his arm. “What’s the plan? How do we get away?”

  “Are you really sure you want to come with me? If Major catches us, we’ll both be spending the next few weeks in the FEA’s loony bin.”

  “I’m sure.” He touched my hand. “You uncovered my sister’s murderer. I owe it to you.”

  I looked down at Devon’s hand on mine. It was good that there was someone who hadn’t betrayed me. Yet, a cautious voice reminded me. Somehow I was sure that Devon had his own reasons to join me on my quest to find out the truth about Abel’s Army.

  “Headquarters is pretty much in the middle of nowhere. The next farm is about five miles south,” I said. “It
would take hours to get there by foot.”

  “So that’s out,” Devon said thoughtfully. “What about a helicopter? Can you fly one?”

  I shook my head. “No, I mean, I don’t think I can. I’ve only had a few hours in the simulator, never in a real helicopter. And the sound of the blades would wake everyone. Major would just send another helicopter after us.” He’d hunt us down. If I left tonight, he wouldn’t stop chasing me until I was back in his hands.

  “So let’s take a car. I can drive.”

  I nodded, thinking it through. “As soon as someone notices that we’re gone or if anyone hears us leave, they’ll send a car or a helicopter after us.”

  Devon pulled a chocolate bar from a backpack and started munching on it. “It helps me with thinking,” he said apologetically. He held another one out for me, but I shook my head. “Where does that leave us?”

  Yes, where? An idea crossed my mind. But Major would be ready to kill me if we went through with it. “We take a car,” I said calmly. “But before we leave, we cut the fuel pipes of the cars and the helicopters. It’ll take a few hours to fix that.”

  “Won’t Major just call for help?”

  “Major would never involve outsiders or the police, even if he needed backup. He’ll want to strangle us himself,” I said. I felt better already. Just talking with Devon and knowing he was on my side gave me hope for the first time in a while. I glanced at the clock on Devon’s nightstand. It said 2:37. “Major always gets up at five to run a few laps on the track. We should hurry. I want to be far away when he realizes that we’re gone.” I stood. My legs were steady, and no hint of dizziness remained. “What about Phil?” Devon asked as he rose to his feet. He wasn’t quite as tall as Alec but still almost a head taller than me. “Shouldn’t we take him with us? Or at least warn him?”

  I paced the room. He was right. Poor Phil was new to the FEA. He didn’t know what to expect, and he was far too gullible and excited to see the truth. After all, it had taken me two years to realize what was going on, and I was pretty sure I still didn’t know half of it. I glanced at Devon, at his square jaw and the way his eyebrows were drawn together in concentration. What if I was leading him straight to his death?

  “I’m not sure if Phil is cut out for this, but we’ll ask him. Let him make up his own mind.” I paused. “Are you sure he’s not going to run off to Major and tell him about our plan?”

  Devon ran a hand through his hair as he stared intently at the wall that separated this room from Phil’s. “I don’t think he would.”

  My eyes found the clock once again. 2:45.

  “Maybe we could send him a message once we’re already gone. That way he’ll know to be careful and not to believe everything Major tells him,” I said.

  “I know he kept his mobile phone. We could send him a text or an e-mail, eventually.”

  “Good.” I nodded. All the planning distracted me from the emptiness deep inside me. The place that had been filled with my loyalty for the FEA and my love for Alec.

  Devon nodded and began stuffing clothes and a few other things into a bag. He removed the photo of his family at Disneyworld from its frame and put it on top. Checking the hall, I tiptoed to my room and packed my backpack with essentials, including the three photos of my real family. My eyes found the photo of Alec and me. We looked so happy. The look in Alec’s eyes made me almost believe that his feelings were real, that he hadn’t messed with me for a mission. I put the frame back, facedown. I couldn’t even bear looking at it. This part of my life was over, and taking this photo with me wouldn’t change that. I hastily grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. My fingers shook when I began my letter to Alec.

  Alec—

  When I came to the FEA, I didn’t trust anyone. I didn’t know what it meant to have people care for you, what it meant to have a home. But then when you told me about your family and held me in your arms, I started to trust you. I knew I wasn’t alone with my feelings. And during all the nights we spent watching movies because I was too scared of nightmares, I started to love you. And suddenly I knew what happiness meant. I had a home, a family, and I’d learned what trust and love meant.

  I trusted you and the FEA. I loved you. I thought the FEA was my home.

  And today I found out it was all a lie. I finally realized how stupid I’ve been. I gave you my trust and love, and you threw it back in my face.

  I know about mission 010.

  I hope it was worth it.

  Whatever there was—or wasn’t—between us, it’s over.

  Tessa

  Devon appeared in the doorway. He looked at the letter in my hand.

  “It’s for Alec,” I said. I folded the letter with steady hands. Now that I knew what I had to do, I felt better. I knew that would pass too, but for now my resolve steadied me. “I’ll just slip it under his door.”

  Devon nodded. He didn’t ask any questions, for which I was grateful. “Don’t you want to put on real pants?”

  I flushed when I glanced down at my pajama pants and hastily changed into jeans in the bathroom. As we walked through the corridor toward Alec’s door, my throat started to constrict. This was it. I’d break up with Alec. I’d leave my home, my life. I’d leave my career as an agent. I’d leave everything I’d held dear for the last two years behind me. Not Holly and not Devon, I reminded myself. Careful not to make a noise, I pushed the piece of paper under the door. I had the urge to open it and look at Alec one last time. Instead I touched my palm against the wood for a second before I turned around and led Devon down the stairs. “What about weapons? Do we take any with us?” he whispered as we made our way through the darkness.

  “I wish we could,” I replied. “But Major keeps everything locked up in the armory. I don’t have the keys, and breaking in is too big of a risk.”

  When we arrived on the ground floor, I didn’t steer us toward the front door, afraid that an alarm would sound. Instead, I led Devon into the swimming hall and into the changing rooms. I opened the window, and Devon pushed a bench under it. I stepped on top of it and gripped the edge of the narrow windowsill. Devon took me by the waist and hoisted me up. When I was on the other side, he threw my backpack after me, followed by his own bag. I could see the muscles in his arms flex as he pushed himself through the window and landed beside me on the lawn.

  We exchanged a quick glance to make sure the other was okay, picked up our bags, and hurried toward the hangar, where we disabled the three helicopters before we moved on to the garage. I had forgotten how many cars and trucks and motorbikes the FEA owned. We’d be busy all night if we tried to cut all the pipes.

  “Why don’t we take a motorcycle?” Devon pointed at a black BMW. It belonged to Tanner’s older brother, Ty. “This baby goes as fast as a hundred eighty-eight miles per hour.”

  “You sure you can drive that thing?” I asked. The thought of driving that fast on only two tires made my head spin.

  “I’ve ridden motorcycles before,” he said. He ran his hands over the leather seat of the BMW, an amazed look on his face. “Of course, never anything this fast.”

  “That’s not very comforting.” A creak echoed through the hall, and I jumped. My hand darted to my waist, where I should have had a weapon. But of course there wasn’t one. I tensed when Devon peered over the cars to get a look at the source of the noise. “We didn’t close the door properly. It’s opened a gap. That’s what made the noise.”

  It was a good reminder that we had no time for arguments. “We’ll take the motorcycle. We don’t have time to cut the remaining pipes anyway.”

  Devon and I stuffed our luggage into the small trunk attached to the back of the motorcycle before we rolled the bike out of the hangar, the helmets perched on the seat. “We should push it to the edge of the property. That way we won’t be overheard.”

  I glanced over my shoulder at the dark windows of headquarter
s as we crept down the long driveway. Though I hadn’t even left yet, a wave of homesickness washed over me. This was good-bye. I wasn’t sure if I could ever return. Major would never let me, and I didn’t think I’d ever want to.

  We reached the spot where the FEA’s private street ended and a smaller public street began that would lead us straight to the highway. Devon handed me a helmet and put the other on before he mounted the bike, and I sat down behind him. The air was stuffy inside the helmet, and I hated how it restricted my field of vision. Devon’s warmth seeped into me as I moved closer. Every inch of our bodies seemed to touch as I wrapped my arms around his waist. It felt illicit, wrong to be this close to someone who wasn’t Alec. But I relaxed into his warmth. “Where are we heading?” he asked, his voice muffled through the helmet.

  Yes, where? We needed to find my mother. She was the only person who knew more about Abel and where he might be, especially if the note in the file was right and she had contacted Abel after I was gone. But first we needed a place to stay and to chart a course and figure out our next moves. “Let’s get some distance between us and headquarters first, then we can look for a motel to spend the night.” I didn’t have the slightest clue where my mother was, but I knew where we could start searching. But before we could do that, we had to organize a bit more money and change our ride, because Major would be searching for the missing motorcycle soon.

  Devon reached back and patted my thigh before he turned the key and the motorcycle roared to life. My pulse exploded in my veins at the thought of how far the roar had carried. My grip on Devon tightened, and he must have understood because he floored the accelerator. I was sure that Major had heard the engine all the way back at headquarters. I rested my head against Devon’s back and let the reassuring feeling of his heartbeat against my palms calm me. The motorcycle vibrated under me as we rushed through the darkness. Our light caught on trees that looked like claws reaching for the stars.