Defector Page 15

  Devon let out a raspy laugh. “Agreed.”

  “Okay,” I said slowly. “I’ll need a knife or anything else that’s sharp enough.”

  Devon nodded toward his backpack. “Take my pocket knife.” I unzipped the bag and rummaged in it until my hands closed around cool steel. I unfolded the blade. I took a lighter from the middle console and flicked it on before I led it across the blade over and over again until I was sure that it was sterilized. Devon stuffed an old shirt into his mouth.

  “This’ll hurt like hell,” I warned. “But remember, it’s going to be okay.” Devon’s eyes pleaded with me to hurry. My gaze flitted over to the house and the end of the street again. Nothing yet. I forced my hands to steady. With a deep breath, I pushed the tip of the knife into the already almost-closed wound. Devon let out a groan, sweat glistening on his skin.

  “I guess it makes sense to close the wound first,” I rambled to keep myself and Devon distracted from what was happening. I didn’t think I was doing a good job. “It stops the blood flow, and blood loss is probably a pretty big concern for everybody.” The blade hit something hard. I changed the angle of the knife to wedge the tip under the bullet. Blood welled up and spilled over Devon’s shoulder and arm. With a moan, Devon began to shake. His eyes rolled back in his head, and he lost consciousness. I was actually relieved. At least that way he’d be spared the worst pain. The skin around the knife kept closing, making it extra hard for me to get a good look at the bullet, and the blood flow wasn’t exactly helpful either. When I was sure that I was below the bullet, I started pushing the blade up until finally the bullet came into view and I was able to pry it out. It landed on Devon’s jeans, where it left another bloodstain. As I watched the wound closing, I was incredibly thankful for his Variation. I took a small towel from my backpack and wet it with a bit of water from my bottle. Carefully, I wiped Devon’s forehead.

  With Devon asleep, I suddenly felt afraid to be on the street alone. I’d been stupid to stay here to watch our pursuers. I put the car into gear and was about to pull out of the driveway when a black town car turned onto the street. It was too posh to belong here. Panic surged through me. “Shit,” I whispered as I floored the accelerator and swung the steering wheel around. My wrist screamed from the force it took to keep the car in check. The tires squealed as I shot down the street in the other direction. I checked the rearview mirror. The black car was gaining on us fast.

  CHAPTER 21

  The car jolted as we shot over a bump in the road. Devon came to with a moan and tried to sit up but was thrown against the door as I turned sharply onto another street. But it was useless. The car was so close to us now, I could see the shape of a man behind the steering wheel. And suddenly I felt cold. I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to see his face ever again, but there he was. Alec.

  The front of his car was almost touching the truck’s rear. My foot on the gas pedal eased as a wave of calm washed over me. He appeared to be alone. All the fear, all the worry, all the urgency disappeared. The car slowed even more.

  No, a warning voice inside me said. Keep going. Run. But I was so calm. There was no need to worry, no need to be afraid. Everything would be fine. Deep down, I was aware that those weren’t my own emotions. The car rolled to a stop beside an abandoned warehouse. I knew we should keep going, but I couldn’t bring myself to press down on the gas, couldn’t fight the overwhelming feeling of calm that had captured me.

  Alec parked in front of us and got out, his expression wary. And suddenly the calm let up and my feelings returned like a whirlwind. I couldn’t believe he’d used his Variation to control me like that.

  I gasped. Before I knew what I was doing, I’d grabbed Carl’s gun and jumped out of the car. My arm was steady as I aimed it at Alec’s head. “Take another step and I’ll shoot you.” But as soon as I’d said it, I knew I could never do it. And I knew that he could feel it too. His gray eyes were soft, not fazed at all by the weapon aimed at him. I’d just as soon pull the trigger on myself as I would harm him. Despite everything, despite all the lies and his betrayal, I still loved him. And I hated myself for it, more than I could ever hate him. I lowered the gun until it was pointed at his shoulder. He took a small step closer to me, his face begging for understanding. But even if I couldn’t shoot him, that didn’t mean I trusted him or forgave him. For him, the FEA would always come first. It would have always stood between us.

  “You manipulated me again, though you promised not to do it,” I hissed. “You promised! But you lied!” The last came out as a breathless scream.

  From the corner of my eye, I could see Devon open the passenger door of the car. I hoped he’d stay where he was. Alec briefly glanced at Devon, his lips tightening before he turned back to me. “Tess,” he said. “It’s not that simple. It’s not the way you think.”

  “Don’t! Don’t use that tone with me. I’m done being your marionette. I’m done with you and your empty promises. I’m done with the FEA and their lies. I’m done. Done.” I took a deep breath, but my rib cage constricted painfully. I felt as if my chest was in a vice.

  Alec stared at me like he couldn’t comprehend what I’d just said. “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. You’re in danger. The FEA is your only protection. I want to protect you, that’s all there ever was. I care about you, and I want to keep you safe.”

  The grip on the gun tightened until my fingers turned numb. “Liar,” I spit out. “I was your mission. Your puzzle to survey. Every word and every kiss we shared was a lie. If you think I’ll ever forget that, you don’t know me at all.” He opened his mouth, but I continued. “When will Major and the others be here?” I was surprised he’d come alone.

  “No one’s coming. They don’t know I’m here.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s the truth, Tess. I came to take you back to headquarters with me. I talked to Major. He’ll listen to you, he’ll reconsider his decision to send you to the hospital.”

  “That’s a lie I definitely won’t believe, Alec. I know Major. After everything I’ve done in the last few days, he’ll keep me locked away until he’s sure I’m brainwashed enough to obey his orders.”

  Alec took another step toward me. Dark shadows lingered under his eyes, and he’d lost weight. “Tessa, I just want to help you. Please come back with me.”

  “If you want to help me, tell me where my mother is,” I said. I knew it was a risk, but he was my best chance, and if the FEA knew where my mother was, they’d expect me to go there at some point anyway. Devon hovered near the bumper, uncertainty playing on his face. His left arm was pressed against his chest; moving it probably still hurt.

  Alec shook his head. “Tess, please, listen to me. Abel’s Army is hunting you. They’re extremely dangerous. They are the enemy. You’ll get yourself killed. Please trust me, just one more time. I understand that you’re angry with me, and you have every right to be, but I swear I’m just trying to look out for you.” His voice was like a caress. I wanted to go over to him and bury my face in the crook of his neck, breathe in his scent, and rain kisses down on his scar. I pushed against the emotion, not sure if it came from within me or if Alec was manipulating me again. “When I said I loved you, I didn’t lie. I never lied about my emotions for you. I love you. And I know you love me too.”

  Something snapped in me. “Maybe a stupid part of me still does. But let me tell you this: It doesn’t matter, because I don’t listen to that crazy part anymore. You only care about the FEA; it will always be more important to you than I or anyone else could be. That isn’t what love is about, Alec. And you know what? Your parents were right.” He tensed, but I didn’t stop. “I bet you loved manipulating them, making them doubt their emotions until they were sure they were losing their mind, just like you did with me. I bet you enjoyed it even as a young boy. No wonder that they couldn’t stand your presence. Nobody likes being manipulated and violated. If I’d been in their stead, I would
have wanted to get away from you too.” I couldn’t believe I’d just said that. Now I finally had proved that I was my mother’s daughter—just as cruel and careless with my words. I was turning into her; I’d hurt Alec where I knew it would sting the most.

  Alec turned his face to the side, leaving me to stare at his profile. He swallowed hard, his jaw tense and throat flexing. I wanted to apologize. I wanted for us to forgive each other for the past. I wanted to let him take me back to headquarters to live a life full of happy lies. But I didn’t move. I couldn’t. That part of my life was over. Forever. Alec and I could never be together. He was on the FEA’s side and would always be. They didn’t have my best interests in mind. I was on a mission, and I had a job to do. And in order to do it, I had to forget him and the FEA for good.

  There was nothing left to say. I whirled around, ready to go back to the car, but Alec spoke up. “I know where your mother is,” he said quietly. I stopped and slowly, afraid of seeing his face, turned back to him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small slip of paper. He held the snippet out to me, his expression unreadable. After a moment of hesitation, I walked toward him. Devon shifted on his feet, as though he was preparing to interfere if Alec tried to grab me. It was useless, of course. Alec was stronger than the two of us together. If he wanted to abduct me, nobody could stop him. But he looked so defeated, I didn’t think the thought had even entered his mind. My guilt tasted like acid on my tongue. I stopped two arms’ lengths away from Alec and reached out for the paper. Our fingers brushed, and my eyes snapped up to meet his gray ones. There was too much sadness in them. Tears sprang into my eyes, but I didn’t allow them to fall. I’d cried so often because of Alec in the past. That time was over. I snatched the paper from his hand and took a few steps back.

  “It’s because of him, isn’t it?” Alec said. I followed his gaze toward Devon, who was watching us with confusion. Alec thought I’d left because of Devon? “You still don’t get it, do you? I left because of you. You once told me you’d do anything for me. And it was the same for me. I’d have given my life to save yours. I’d have done anything, absolutely anything for you. But then I found out how you’d betrayed me. I was stupid. I knew I’d never be able to forgive you.”

  Devon looked more than a little uncomfortable, but I was glad that he hadn’t tried to interject. This was between Alec and me.

  With clammy hands, I unfolded the paper and glanced down at the address. It was the name of a bar in Las Vegas. “A bar?”

  “Yeah. Your mother works there.” Alec stared at a point above my head. I wondered if I’d ever manage to turn my face into a mask void of emotion. He’d perfected the art. But I’d glimpsed behind the mask, through the cracks of his strong appearance. I knew that hadn’t all been fake.

  “How did you find this? Did she stay in contact with the FEA?”

  Alec smiled bitterly. “No. I knew the bar. It’s a place I’ve been before. I thought I might find someone there who could help me find your mother. I didn’t think I’d find her there, but I did.”

  “What kind of bar is this?” Devon asked. Alec’s eyes swiveled to him, and his stoic mask slipped into one of anger and suspicion.

  “A bar for our kind,” Alec said, then he met my eyes. “It’s not run by the FEA. The people who go there have no business with the FEA, no alliance to any organization. This is an underground scene that doesn’t choose sides.”

  So they weren’t Abel’s Army either. But if Alec knew about the bar, there was a good chance that Major or Abel had figured it out too, and that they had spies there. But I had no choice. This was my only lead and the only way to get to my mother.

  “Major will kill you for this,” I said.

  “Do you really think I still care?” His voice was hollow. I hesitated as I watched his face. I said my final goodbye in my head. It would have hurt me too much to say it out loud. I turned around and stalked back to the car. “Get in,” I told Devon. I didn’t have the strength to spare that last glance. I climbed into the truck, started the engine, and backed up from the limousine until I had enough room to maneuver onto the street. I hit the accelerator, and in passing my eyes were drawn to the rearview mirror, to Alec and the way he was frozen in place, his gaze on me. I knew that look in his eyes would haunt me for a long time, but even so, there was no going back.

  CHAPTER 22

  “Are you okay? Maybe I should drive?” Devon said carefully.

  “I’m fine,” I snapped, hating how the tears trailing over my cheeks betrayed me.

  “Do you want to drive all the way to Las Vegas? That’ll take an entire day.”

  “We don’t have another choice. We can’t take a plane. Major will know if we check in anywhere or board a plane. And it’ll take too long to organize a fake ID for you. I could always just steal one and turn into the person I’ve stolen it from, but you can’t.” I didn’t mean to sound so reproachful. I was glad for Devon’s company, but I was making him sound like a liability. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “No, you’re right. Would you rather go on without me?”

  “No!” I said hastily. “Please stay.”

  Devon just nodded. “If we take turns driving, we can take turns resting while the other one drives, and we’ll be faster.”

  “That’s a good idea,” I said, casually wiping my eyes with the hem of my sweater. “And I guess I’m a natural. Driving is pretty easy as long as you just go with the flow.”

  Devon looked thoughtful for a moment. “I need to call my parents. They’ll be worried sick by now. And Major has probably told them even more lies.”

  “We’ll have to fuel up anyway. Once we’ve bought some distance between us and Detroit”—and Alec, I added in my head—“we’ll look for a rest stop. I think we both could use something to eat and a few minutes of rest after everything that’s happened today.” I glanced at his blood-covered sweatshirt. “And you need to change. You can’t walk around looking like that.”

  • • •

  When we finally pulled into a rest stop, my back and legs ached from driving, but at least I’d calmed down. And as long as I kept Alec’s face from popping up in my mind, I would hopefully stay that way. “I’ll get you a new shirt,” I told Devon as I jumped out and walked around to the truck bed, where the bags with our clothes were stored. I snatched up the first sweater my fingers brushed and gave it to Devon before I positioned myself in front of the passenger window, so the people mingling about in the parking lot wouldn’t see him change. As he pulled the sweatshirt over his head, my eyes were drawn to his shoulder and the now-unblemished skin.

  After Devon put on the new shirt, we filled the tank with gas before parking at the end of the parking lot, far away from curious eyes. Devon went to the public phone to call his parents, and I watched how his shoulders slumped after a while. He shook his head. “They didn’t answer. That’s so unlike them.”

  I could hear the hint of worry in his voice, and somehow it set my own fears off. “Maybe they needed to get out for a while. And your dad is probably at work, right?” Devon pushed his hands into his pockets and nodded. “Yeah, maybe. I’ll try them again later.” He took a deep breath and smiled. “I’m starving.”

  “Me too,” I said, though that couldn’t have been further from the truth. I had completely lost my appetite; since I’d seen Alec, an abyss had taken the place of my stomach.

  Devon and I bought fries and hamburgers in the diner beside the gas station. Instead of eating in the dingy space, with its ripped pleather booths and grimy checkered floor (not to mention the curious glances of the waitress), we decided to take the food back to the car and eat it on the bed of the truck.

  The fries were greasy, and the hamburger bun was too dry, but I didn’t care. It was the first real meal we’d had in a while, and it all tasted bland to me anyway. I could feel Devon’s eyes on me, and a knot of unease built inside me. I h
oped he wouldn’t bring up Alec. I didn’t think I could stomach that right now.

  “Do you know the extent of your Variation?” I blurted and winced at how loud and panicky my voice had sounded. I stuffed a few more fries into my mouth. The grease clogged my throat, and I had to take a few sips from my bottle of soda to wash them down.

  Devon swallowed the bite and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “What do you mean?”

  “What have you tried? What kind of injuries can you heal? Can you heal diseases? Can you even die?” I grimaced when I realized how insensitive that sounded, but I couldn’t help my curiosity. I stuck two fries into the ketchup and swirled them around.

  He took another bite. Apparently he didn’t mind that the food was bad, or the stench of exhaust and fuel. “Well, I’ve never thrown myself in front of a car or set myself on fire to test it. But I’m pretty sure there are limits. I think I’d be dead if my body was torn apart by a bomb or if I was decapitated.”

  I wrinkled my nose at the horrible images his words evoked in my head. Devon laughed, dimples flashing. “You asked.”

  “I know,” I said, smiling. His hair was such a mess. I was glad that I hadn’t checked my reflection in the diner’s restrooms. I could imagine what a bird’s nest my own hair had become. “So have you ever hurt yourself to see how your body healed?” I set my remaining fries down on the truck bed. I just couldn’t bring myself to take another bite.

  Devon looked embarrassed. “Yeah. When I was younger, I used to cut myself, and once I broke my own pinkie, but after that I pretty much stopped. I don’t enjoy pain, you know.”

  I nudged him with my shoulder. “Would have never guessed.” He jerked his chin toward my discarded food. “You done with that?”

  I chortled. “Don’t tell me you’re still hungry.”